I first started swimming as an avenue to share a common hobby with Ted. I dreaded the idea. I grew up afraid of water on Lake Ontario and the older I got, the more I fed this fear. Sharks are in swimming pools; didn’t you know that? I was afraid to even sit in a hot tub alone. But my desire for a deeper connection with my husband became stronger than the fear of imaginary fish swallowing me whole. So, I jumped in. Swimming together validated this effort and therefore I needed Ted to swim with me. I swam for him. I swam for us. We swam consistently every Tuesday and Thursday for almost two years. During this time, I created a healthier relationship with water. I panicked less. I stepped into the ocean chest-high twice and even tasted salt water for the first time in my entire life. When I swam laps, I started to pretend I was a sea turtle (feels normal, right?) and felt a semblance of peace under the cold (pool) water.  

The discomfort of beginning started to pay off. 

For various reasons, he stopped swimming as much and I became frustrated. I needed him to swim with me, gosh darn it. He was holding us back and this was all his fault.  

Today, I swam solo. I nagged less and listened more. I listened to my voice and my own needs. I listened to my intuition that said, “Get your ass in the water.” But Ted couldn’t go today. I knew I was making excuses. I shifted my energy from what I cannot control, to what I can control. Me. 

Well, shoot. I guess this is the work that marriage therapy and coaching have been trying to teach me.  

I sat in my car afterward in complete peace. I felt so full of joy and love and was proud of myself. Ironically, the same water that left me coming up for air in complete panic mid-lane had become the same water that my intuition knew I needed to recharge. Sure, having Ted with me would have been nice, but it didn’t take away from what I’m able to create for myself all on my own.  

And that’s exactly where I choose to focus my energy this year. My intuition: the rawest state of my being. Naked and completely free. Unapologetic and unabashed. A heightened state of my instinctive self, and inner knowing which direction to navigate. It’s the loudest voice within me, but the one that first becomes muffled by the megaphone of baggage, fears, and even self-distrust after a few bad calls.  

At times, I’ve questioned my own inner compass as I turned to the world around me for answers. The more I focused on external reasoning, expectations, and data, the more disconnected I have become from the magnetic pull that knows exactly where I belong.  

I’m ready, 2023…and I’m listening.  

(Note: Working with a Type A, goal-addict, control freak isn’t always easy. Woof. A special thanks to my Marriage Therapist, Mika Ross @mikaross.therapist, and Coach, Alison Canavan @alisoncanavanwellness, who keep me grounded and growing.) 

Have you ever considered how your intuition may be trying to steer you in a direction that you are unaware of because you’re too distracted elsewhere?  

If you paused to listen, what would your intuition say?