We are wired for efficiency and the path of least resistance. Our brains default to what’s familiar. What’s familiar is predictable, comfortable, and convenient – and can be unfulfilling if we lack intention. We simply arrive. This means that what you did yesterday, you’re likely to do again today… and tomorrow… and the day after that. This cycle, from our beliefs to our habits, is deeply ingrained within us that can give the illusion that we’re trapped…forever.

But we’re not. Not even a little bit.

While our brain defaults to what is familiar, it also holds the power to infinite possibilities. It can morph, twist, bend, change, and even do burpees, I bet, if it wanted. I mean, maybe. I don’t know. The point is what we want IS possible – it simply requires discomfort. But you already know this.

To change, awareness and intentionality bring you one step closer to action. When you realize that your brain is wired to repeat the same thoughts and behaviors AND that you can make different decisions, everything shifts. You suddenly see the potential to reprogram yourself, to step off the autopilot path, and to actively choose a new direction.

For years, I remember racing to my hair appointment every eight weeks thinking, “I don’t have time for this,” and wishing for the busyness of my work season to settle because the NEXT appointment would be less rushed. But I would show up at the next appointment just as overwhelmed with the same thoughts and feelings. There was no season. It was a busy lifestyle I had created. The busyness of life followed me wherever I went because I wasn’t changing. I was unaware of how I had accidentally programmed my behaviors of consistent overscheduling and poor time management. Because of my lack of awareness and intention, I was rarely present, and I always had my eye on the next place I had to be…which was typically five to ten minutes late. I didn’t want to show up in life that way. To slow down, I needed to re-program how I viewed and spent my time. Today, I have more responsibility, more gyms, and more meetings, but I don’t roll into the parking lot like Dale Earnhardt Jr.  

When you understand that you are wired to repeat the same thoughts and behaviors AND have the choice to make different decisions along the way, it hits different. We all have the ability to reprogram ourselves, but wishing for it and wanting it isn’t enough. If change were easy, everyone would do it. But they don’t. It’s easier to stay on the sofa than to go for a walk. It’s easier to order DoorDash than to cook a healthy meal. It’s easier to scroll on your phone than to pick up a book.

James Clear, well-known for his book Atomic Habits, explains that if you get 1% better every day for a year, you’ll experience a 37% improvement by day 365. These shifts in change are subtle but powerful.

Step 1: Create Awareness

Start by paying attention to your daily activities. Make a list without judgment. Just observe. As you go about your day, jot down notes. For all of us, we are faced with those subtle, sneaky actions that pull us away from what we actually want. When we create awareness, we shift those subconscious activities into our conscious mind ultimately creating space for change.

Common examples of “stuck” patterns:

• Purchase an $8.00 Starbucks drink every day

• Pour a glass of wine after work

• Scroll on your phone before bed

• Rush out the door for work

• Order fast food for dinner

• Watch TV for an hour every day

• Press snooze

• Drive kids around from activity to activity

Step 2: Assign a Value

Assign a positive value to each of them if you were to choose a different path.

Why is this important to you? Peel back the layers on this. How would your life be different? How would this make you feel? How would it make others feel?

So for example, instead of buying an $8.00 Starbucks drink every day, what would you do with an extra $240 every month? Could that afford the gym membership that you currently can’t afford right now. (Yes, it would…wink.) Would that give you the cushion and opportunity to afford healthier groceries? How would you spend one extra hour in a day if you weren’t watching TV? Would you have time to meal prep? Read a book that relaxes you, or helps you learn? Workout? Pursue a hobby?

• What could you afford if you saved $8.00 every day?

• How much better would you feel if you drank less alcohol?

• How would your sleep improve if you put your phone away?

• How would waking up 30 minutes early change your energy for the day?

• What would you do for an entire hour if you weren’t watching TV?

• Would your morning feel less rushed if you stopped pressing snooze?

• If you asked for help, would you feel less overwhelmed? What would you do with this extra time?

Okay, let’s practice:

1) Create Awareness: I spend about two hours every day driving my kids around from activity to activity. These are commitments we’ve already made, or new demands that are placed on me - such as play dates, last-minute birthday party gifts, or errands to Michael’s for a school project that is due tomorrow.

2) Assign a Value: If I had two extra hours to myself (even just two to three days a week), I would have the time to exercise. If I had the time to exercise, I would feel accomplished and proud. Exercising would give me a stress release that would allow me to show up with more patience and presence which would help make our bedtime routines more enjoyable. I could lose 20 pounds and build strength. The tradeoff of not being at 100% of their activities or saying “yes” to every demand would create space for me to show up as a better mom. If I didn’t feel responsible for all the kid’s needs, I would also feel less resentment and more supported.

At first, the “how,” or the process of getting to the end state may paralyze you. You’ve adopted these routines for so long that anything outside of the norm may seem totally irrational or impossible. It’s not.

Common belief: “I have no choice but to drive my kids around.”

Possible scenarios may be:

• Limit the number of activities to a manageable amount so everyone wins

• Ask your spouse/support for help a couple days a week

• Coordinate carpools with other parents

• Say “no”

• InstaCart/Amazon what you need to your front doorstep

• Plan your week to create windows of time for you that are non-negotiable

With enough desire, you’ll create a solution that works. It may not be perfect, but it will be progress.

 

Step 3: Check yourself

Once you have awareness, put it into action. This is the most humbling part. I know, because I do this every day. As I adopt new habits, I check in with myself to ensure my decisions are aligned with my goals. Every time I say “Yes” to something, I am saying “No” to something else—and vice versa. Same for you.

Are your choices aligned with your goals?  Are you taking full responsibility for the choices you are making?

Once you have awareness of your habits and have assigned them value, you’ll naturally be faced with the situation head-on. In fact, this awareness will multiply how frequently these situations arise. Because we’re wired for familiarity, you’ll naturally be drawn to old thinking and decision-making. This is your prime opportunity to shift the direction of your life.

It may seem subtle, but this is where it begins. At that moment, it’s important to check yourself. You’ll want to acknowledge the action, remind yourself of the assigned value, and then check in if that is REALLY what you want.

Pause, and say to yourself:

“I am making the decision not to change. Is this what I really want?”

Say it out loud. Have a conversation with yourself. Pin yourself in a corner. You may not always choose change, but you’ll feel more empowered making these conscious decisions that guide the direction of your life.

When unexpected demands arise with your kids, pause first. Check in with yourself. Where can you ask for help? What if you said, “no”?

Today, when I am scheduling meetings or planning my day, I make the conscious decision to not STUFF as many meetings, appointments, or to-do’s into one day. When I check in with myself, I am reminded of the outcomes of old habits and my desire to change long-term. My actions shift as a result - as does my ability to be present and have better energy. I build time into my calendar so I don’t have to rush from point A to point B every second of my life. Only I could make this happen.

Heck, earlier this morning, I was tempted to go to Target to buy a few groceries. In reality, I wanted to mindlessly browse the home decor section and drink my grande cappuccino with oat milk and two stevia. This would have given me instant gratification. I paused and checked myself. I could either go to Target and burn one hour (and $5.98) or spend this time writing while my kids are still asleep. I opted for the more fulfilling route. Writing supports my goals and is therapeutic for me. My eggs, tortillas, and ground beef will be hand-delivered in a couple of hours to my doorstep. Winning.

When real-time awareness and personal responsibility collide, seeds of change are planted. Little by little, day by day – change is created. It’s uncomfortable, unpredictable, and messy. It’s never perfect. But over time, these subtle shifts in behavior become your new baseline of comfort paving new opportunities for continued growth and ultimately a more meaningful life.